Friday, September 5, 2014

The Survival Guide For Young Lovers- How To Handle Your Typical Relationship

Hey readers! Since my last post was all about whatever is wrong with our modern-day relationships, it is time that we discussed how to fix these problems. Yes, I know what you are about to say. If one solution could end all this fuss about love issues, scientists would've discovered the gene responsible for these problems and made a medicine, or psychologists would've figured out some sort of therapy or counselling that would sort out all heartbreaks and love issues. Unfortunately, life isn't that easy, right?

Wrong! Life is challenging, it is something we can't change. But we are more responsible for our problems than life is. It is easy to blame everything and everyone except yourself and cry about your troubles. But when you're done crying and running away, you'll realise that the solutions were always right in front of you. So, when somebody starts preaching about life and love and solutions to these issues, better listen and make note of what they say. Sooner or later you'll find their advice more than helpful.

Since today's issue is how to deal with relationships, I'll not waste much time and get to the points that really matter. The first thing is what you see in the first picture. Take the 'M' out of 'me' and turn it upside down. That's the magic word fellas. The 'open sesame' to all the happiness and satisfaction love can ever provide. When you are in a relationship, you have more important things to cater to than your own whims. Of course, if you happen to meet someone who is happy to be your slave, I'll bless you two, but that is rarely possible, and everybody has their limits. Anyways, I am targeting the usual relationships. And the most common mistake that we make when we get into the blissful bond of ‘commitment’ is that we stop making the same efforts to keep the person that we made to win them.

The picture you saw above is very simple, but it could hold the key to most of the problems in your life. You see, we land into the gutter only when we don’t know where we are going. Many of us suffer at the hands of people we care about only because we aren’t sure what we want from them. My advice, when it gets too complicated, sit down and make this picture (you don’t need to be an engineer to understand a Venn diagram, it’s just a damn combo of circles). Now think of every person in your life who belongs to the opposite sex and give them a code, something that only you can understand. Now place those codes in the picture as per your feelings towards them. I know, every committed person thinks that he/she has a perfect match with their other half. But that’s what we say all the time to all the people. And this exercise is not for people. It is for you. It is to make you sure about where each of your relationships stands. You will be surprised how clear you feel after you do this exercise. And once you are clear about yourself, you’ll know what to do next. You won’t need advice on your relationships anymore.

Here are a few suggestions for committed people. You may say ‘Duh!’ when you see this, but there is nothing outside of these points that could make or ruin your relationship-

1.     It Has To Be Mutual- This is a lesson I learned the hard way, so I’ll lay it in front of you straight and blunt. What’s one-sided is not love. If you’re obsessing about somebody who doesn’t care about you or just doesn’t have the same intensity of feelings for you as you have for them, you are a gone case and you need a separate article from my side. I’ll suggest you simply stop reading this post and wait for a while. Even if you are committed, if the level of seriousness your partner has for you is even slightly different from the seriousness you have for them, END IT NOW. The sooner you do it the better, because such relationships always end up with one side getting hurt and the other side feeling guilty. Not good for anyone.
2.     It Needs Time- No matter what you might believe, love at first sight is a myth. The seed of love takes time to even get planted, let alone grow tall and lush. If you like a guy/girl you met a few days/weeks/months ago and they simply drive you crazy, first ask yourself what you want from them. I have said this time and again, my blog is for grown-ups who have the ability to decide for their lives. So, if you want a casual relationship, please go ahead and take it to the next level. But if you want something serious, sit back and wait. Make them the most important thing in your life, make yourself the important thing in theirs. Doesn’t matter if it is a college romance which will have no foreseeable future once you get your degrees. Wait. Set a deadline for two years and live your life normally. If at the end of those two years, you still want to be with that person and he/she still wants to be with you, you’re good to go. But conditions apply, in the said two years you must be actually in close contact with each other. And yes, it has to be mutual.
3.     Patience Is Must- Like it or not, the truth about love is very simple. It takes more than what most people are willing to go through. Most people who want someone in their lives, if they read this post, won’t bother to go beyond the first two points. Most of us will say- ‘If all that fuss is love, which by the way is just a stupid concept, I’m content with a casual relationship’. In the movie The Vow (which according to me is the best movie about love), a part of the wedding vows of the lead couple reads- ‘To have the patience that love demands’. Enough said. If you actually fall in love, you’ll grow a lot of patience for your flame. If you see the same patience on their side too, your relationship has a future!

No matter how complicated life becomes, when things actually get solved, you’ll find out that the most appalling questions of life have very simple answers. I recall a dialogue from a movie ‘The Prestige’- Behind the greatest of magic you’ll find a simple, and disappointing, trick. That’s how life is, it is weird and baffling at times, but its complexity is in its simplicity. Be simple and stick to your principles, and you’ll find life quite interesting.